Radioactive is a 2019 film starring Rosamund Pike as Marie Curie. It was directed by Marjane Satrapi.
Rosamund Pike first came on my radar in the movie Doom and then again in Gone Girl, although she’s been in several other movies and has many other credits to her name. In addition to being a director, Marjane Satrapi is also a comics artist of some interesting sounding and award-winning works. Her first film was an animated adaptation of her book, ‘Persepolis’, an autobiographical account of growing up in Iran.
This film is a biopic about Marie Curie, a name (hopefully) familiar to most of us since childhood. She’s pioneered work and research in radioactivity and won not one, but two Nobel Prizes. The movie was adapted from another graphic novel, ‘Radioactive: Marie & Pierre Curie: A Tale of Love and Fallout’ by the American artist Lauren Redniss.
The influence of the graphic novel can clearly be seen in Marie’s dreamscapes. Particularly during her grief after Pierre’s death. The visualizations are gorgeously rendered and evoke not only the sense of loss but the sense of being unmoored. It’s visible in subtler ways as well, like the imagery of her always holding a small, glowing green vial like a talisman.
While ostensibly about her life, the movie also dives into future scenes demonstrating the impact of her work. From medical applications to nuclear weapons, the scope of the influence her work has on the world is immense.
The movie seems to have garnered mixed reviews. I found Pike’s performance very convincing and enjoyed the lens through which Marie Curie was painted. I understand that some critics maintain that characterizations were false and that the film contained inaccuracies. That didn’t detract from the enjoyment of the movie for me – the embellishments helped form a cohesive narrative and portrayed her as a brilliant and driven woman. Thematically, it did a good job of getting that message across.
For a more accurate picture of her life, I suppose one would have to read a combination of biographies. Two that I’ve added to my own reading list are:
The last time I posted here, I was contemplating what it meant when a character in a story had agency. Adjacent to that topic is the idea of representation in media. How often do you see characters like yourself and why is that important?
Last fall I watched a documentary on Netflix called ‘This Changes Everything’ which talked about the underrepresentation and misrepresentation of women in the film industry.
Remember the kid’s books in the 50’s? ‘See Dick, See Jane’
And I just felt like, you know, we see Dick all the time.
I just wanted to see more Jane.
– Geena Davis
After watching the documentary, I headed to the internet to learn more. I started with the Geena Davis Institute on Gender in Media. (https://seejane.org/) The site has a lot of fascinating studies about mainstream media.
For example, they have published a joint study about women over 50. Not surprisingly, men over 50 are portrayed more often than women over 50. Women over 50 are often regulated to support roles and LGBTQA+ or disabled representation in the age demographic is even more sparse.
The original premise, however, was studying the gender imbalances seen in media. From articles published in 2008-2010, they concluded that there’d been little forward movement, that “for nearly 60 years, gender inequality on screen has remained largely unchanged and unchecked.”
How about now? Are we making any progress?
With the explosion of streaming services, there certainly seems to be more diversity with more options for entertainment now. But has any of that impacted the box office? Are the big studios keeping up?
I scoured Wikipedia for movies and Google for directors and found the following regarding 2022 films from the ‘Big Studios’:
Universal Pictures, 6 out of 29, 20% directed by women
Paramount Pictures, 1 out of 18, 5% directed by women
Warner Bros. Pictures, 4 out of 26, 15% directed by women
Walt Disney Pictures, 11 out of 43, 25% directed by women (none that were directed by women were a theatrical release)1
Columbia Pictures, 2 out of 10, 20% directed by women
This is just considering the gender of the director, which doesn’t take into account any of the other creative leads or decision-makers involved with making a film. Representation in everything from writers to producers to editors to score composers is slow to become equitable.
Until women are on equal footing behind the camera, we’ll unlikely be on equal footing in front of it. Until then, we can celebrate the movies directed by women so far and continue to seek out more representative material when we browse through streaming sites.
Some additional articles to help find movies to watch:
What do we mean when we say a character has ‘agency’? We want to know if a character’s internal decisions move the plot or if the characters are passive with the plot being something that happens to them.
Consider Leia. In A New Hope, she grabs the blaster and directs the team’s escape into the trash compactor. She firmly tells Han she’s now in charge and she clearly knows her way around a briefing room.
But does she have agency?
~ Princess Leia, grabbing a blaster and assisting in her own escape. Star Wars (A New Hope) 1977
In that first movie, she is reaching out for help, listing her father’s connection as the reason General Kenobi should listen to her plea.
Later, after she’s tortured and her world is destroyed, her grief is brushed aside in order for her to comfort Luke who has lost his home, but who seems to be mostly grieving for Ben – a mentor he’s had for the past couple of days.
In the second movie, she becomes the point of a possible love triangle between Han and Luke – the two main male characters the audience is meant to identify with. To add fuel to that “she must belong to someone” streak, Empire Stikes Back also gives us some flirty banter with Lando. It’s never clear to me if Lando flirted with her because he flirts with everyone or if he saw her with Han and wanted to take something from him like Han took Lando’s ship – I imagine it was a bit of both and either way reduces Leia to an object rather than a person. She’s a known leader of the actual rebellion and yet Vader doesn’t even bother with her – other than using her as bait. While she is granted a scene in which she’s once again brandishing a blaster, her role in this film is clearly that of the love interest.
She’s a known leader of the actual rebellion and yet Vader doesn’t even bother with her – other than using her as bait.
Throughout the first two films, while she’s clearly positioned as a prop for the main protagonists, the objectification of her character isn’t too overt. There’s the story Carrie Fisher told of how George Lucas didn’t think women in space would wear bras, but that topic aside, she’s often dressed rather demurely. So demurely, in fact, that she is dressed all in white more than once (sans bra, we assume). In Empire Strikes Back she’s dressed in similar gear as other soldiers on Hoth, or in flowing robes when she’s on Bespin.
~ Leia Organa, onboard the Millennium Falcon wearing Hoth uniform, Star Wars (The Empire Strikes Back) 1980
It isn’t until the third movie that her character becomes highly sexualized. The objectification is rather blatant with the slave outfit. This isn’t a costume she chooses to wear to go undercover – that choice was very different (see Boushh, a bounty hunter). The skimpy slave outfit includes an actual chain. Yes, she uses that chain to kill Jabba and goes on to participate in the guerilla attack on Endor, but do either of those threads show her having agency? Her actions are determined by the plot, her actions are not driving the plot. Participating in the attack on Endor was something that was happening and the plot wanted her there.
~ Leia Organa, disguised as the late Boushh, standing before Jabba the Hutt. Star Wars (The Return of the Jedi) 1983. Image from https://starwars.fandom.com (aka Wookiepedia)
Outside the movies, the Star Wars Universe is full of other storytelling. Books, comics, video games, animations, shows, additional movies, etc. But in the first set of stories, in the first trilogy, I contend that Leia wasn’t afforded the same characterization and focus as Luke or even Han. She was a supporting character that strengthened both their stories.
This isn’t a complaint, per se. Nor is it a new analysis – this is not something too many would bother arguing about. The Original Trilogy was about Luke, he was the hero of that story. And on that point, I find them enduring and endearing – I have a great love for Star Wars and his ‘hero journey’ makes for a satisfying tale.
Leia was considered one of the strongest female characters in media and pop culture for years. This is the role model we had as young girls. A character I am fond of and still admire – flaws in the narrative and all.
She was smart. She was beautiful. She was capable. She was brave. And she was still not important enough to become the hero of her own story.
The Last Stargazers: The Enduring Story of Astronomy’s Vanishing Explorers by Emily Levesque is a book that deals more with the down-to-earth practical mechanics of being an astronomer than it does the objects they study cast all across the sky.
Emerging technologies are changing so many facets of our lives and the field of astronomy is no different. The heart of Levesque’s book is capturing stories from an era that is soon behind us. New telescopes and the mechanics of observing have likely changed even since its publication now that https://webb.nasa.gov/ is live.
How does one become an astronomer in the first place? I suppose that’d be a common question, particularly if you’re writing a book that is more about astronomers than astronomy.
“In all the time I spent interviewing friends and colleagues for this book, I never once asked anyone how they got interested in astronomy. I wasn’t writing about our origin stories; I was interested in the quirks and hijinks and wacky stories that come from the odd type of work we do. The vast majority of astronomers that I spoke to told me anyway.” (~Emily Levesque)
When Levesque talks about how seeing the sky made her want to become an astronomer even without knowing exactly what that meant, I understood the appeal. “Space is cool!”
When I was young, we lived in a sparsely populated rural area in Nebraska where the lack of light pollution made the night sky especially beautiful. Once, my father and I were driving home on a particularly clear night when he pulled over so we could lie on the hood of the car to admire the sky. The story goes that I got scared by the enormously bright sky, that it was too big and made me feel too small. I’m not sure I’ve completely gotten over being awestruck by a bright night sky, but sadly truly clear nights are rare where I live now.
About midway into the book, she talks about the graduate student, Jocelyn Bell Burnell, who was so integral in the discovery of pulsars. The pulsar has featured heavily in sci-fi shows and any time there is a kernel of real science in science fiction I think it’s delightful.
Pulsars are the sorts of things I had been expecting Levesque to cover in her book. While she touches on some of the discoveries made, she does so mainly in relation to the methods of observing and uses for the different types of telescopes. I wanted more information about red supergiants and galaxy formations and things of that nature. The controversies surrounding the Mauna Kea Observatories’ ecological and cultural impact were interesting and important to consider but felt much more grounded on Earth than what I had in mind when I picked up this book.
One of my favorite anecdotes wasn’t about the astronomers at all, but about how they’d discovered how to measure gravitational waves. These waves squeeze and compress spacetime.
“Gravitational waves fall into that wonderful realm of physics where things exist simply because the math of the universe insists they should.”
~ Emily Levesque
Scientists have known about them since Einstein but have only recently been able to detect them. There are now things called Laser Interferometer Gravitational-Wave Observatories (LIGO) scattered throughout the world that detect them.
I enjoyed her stories about studying the stars and the anecdotal tidbits about astronomers’ telescope time. Levesque’s book demystifies the profession and shares insights into the life of an astronomer while showcasing some of the techniques and technology used over the years that have increased our knowledge of the cosmos. The human side of science shines through. And don’t forget pulsars! Pulsars are fascinating. Below are some links about them:
Aunt Harriet was my grandmother’s aunt who lived in Cornwall, CT. She lived to be 102 years old and the breadth of changes to our world she’d seen over her lifetime is staggering.
Harriet Lydia Clark
b. November 11, 1894
c. January 7, 1997
She was an educator and a legislator and a local historian. Her online obituary briefly sums up some of the milestones, but it’s hard to sum up a person in just a few lines.
CLARK. Harriet Lydia Clark was born in East Cornwall, Nov. 11, 1894, daughter of Andrew Miles and Mary Lydia (Brown) Clark. Her formal education included Cornwall District 16, Gilbert (Winsted) Western Connecticut State University, B.S. from Boston University, 1923, and M.A. from Columbia University in 1942. Her 40 year teaching career extended from East Cornwall, College Farm in Warren, West Side in Goshen to Danbury High School 1923-1953. She served four terms in the State Legislature where she was on the Education, Constitutional Amendments and Personnel Committees 1956-1965. Co-compiler of “History of East Cornwall”, she wrote many stories and was a founder of the Cornwall Historical Society, member of the Owls, Cornwall Grange, long active in the Camp Fire Girls, and was the oldest living member of United Church of Christ in Cornwall. Funeral services will be celebrated on Saturday, (Jan. 11), 1 p.m. at the United Church of Christ in Cornwall. Calling hours will also be on Saturday from 10 a.m.- 12 p.m. at the Kenney Funeral Home, 41 Main St., Sharon. Memorial contributions may be made to the United Church of Christ, Cornwall, 06753.
One of the tales my father often tells about her is when he once asked her to what she attributed her long life and she replied, “I never married.” I think about that often these days. In many ways she was ahead of her time, in other ways, she was a product of her time.
I remember visiting when I was a young child. I was advised by my parents to be on my best behavior. That wasn’t anything new, they always wanted me to be on my best behavior (somewhat like ‘crying wolf’, am I right?) but my grandmother ALSO gently appealed to me to behave properly when we set off for Mohawk Farms and that was something unusual. Aunt Harriet was the matriarch of our family – something my grandmother became after Aunt Harriet’s passing – and we were to treat her with respect.
She was hard of hearing and tended to yell when she spoke, making her stern nature even more intimidating. But Aunt Harriet loved children and would tell us to go run around in the yard and see if there was anything ripe on the raspberry bushes. It’s not my fault I tracked in mud after that!
The last time I visited Aunt Harriet, I was in college. She had difficulty raising her voice then but commanded such respect from those around her that I noticed even the next generation of children quieted down to listen to what she was trying to say.
I know my mother and her sisters and cousins have plenty of other stories – some I may not have even heard. I remember a woman who was a bit of an enigma, one who was warm but also formidable.
Last week I attended an outdoor concert. I didn’t realize how much I’d missed live music until that fist chord came over the speakers and a hush went over the crowd.
It was the Indigo Girls (https://www.indigogirls.com/), who I’ve seen live before – although it was years ago. Like me, they’ve aged a little. Which made everything all that much more comfortable. The Indigo Girls songwriting and performances are a rich style of storytelling that feels a bit like having drinks with an old friend. Both in hearing stories you’ve heard before and in having a few new ones to share.
The duo sang familiar tunes like *Hammer and Nail (1990) which focuses on not being overwhelmed with everything wrong with the world but rolling up your sleeves and getting to work and Shame on You (1997) which criticizes attitudes about ‘illegal immigration’. One source says the song was inspired in part by a documentary ‘Displaced in the New South’ – I can’t vouch for that, but watched parts of the film and it’s a plausible connection. https://www.folkstreams.net/films/displaced-in-the-new-south
They also performed songs from their new album that was released in 2020. An album I had somehow missed, but have spent the last few days catching up on. One of the songs I found particularly interesting and relevant to this blog – The song is ‘Shit Kickin’ (let’s be honest, the title is catchy as well). It touches on family history and delving into the past while advising you to be honest about it.
Granddaddy was a preacher
Built that church from the sign to the steeple
I didn't know him except by his journaling hand
If you can find him you can love him
But girl you gotta be honest about him
You'll be fightin' them weeds for the rest of your days
Another one they performed from their new album was ‘When We Were Writers’, which feels like the bit where they are telling their origin story. In it, I heard how going down memory lane is all good and well, but that there’s still a fire that burns inside and this life isn’t over yet.
I sometimes find their discussions and write-ups about their music to be nearly as impactful as the music itself. They had this to say about their latest album:
“Look Long considers the tremendous potential of ordinary life and suggests the possibility that an honest survey of one’s past and present, unburdened by judgement, can give shape to something new – the promise of a way forward.”
The opening set was performed by Lucy Wainwright Roche (https://lucywainwrightroche.com/). Her performance was interspersed with commentary and tidbits – small stories about her family or her dog. I enjoyed her music and she has an incredible voice.
The video below is not from the concert I attended, but Lucy Wainwright Roche has been touring with the Indigo Girls before – here she’s performing one of my favorite IG songs with them.
Overall a wonderful evening spent outdoors on a lawn chair. It reminded me to slow down, breathe, and listen. And enjoy the music.
Bertha, who gave up comforts and security / To follow the man she loved into the mountains;
Bertha was one of the names considered by my parents when it came naming me. When I was younger, it was told as a joke – as in “be thankful, we could’ve named you this unpopular name or that unpopular name”, both being names of my parent’s grandmothers. I’m sure I would’ve rebelled against ANY first name when I was younger, so the joke lands flat. In fact, I did rebel and I have gone by my middle name since I was 11 years old. I site this particular branch of my family tree as precedence for this and have no regrets.
Great-Grandma Clark was born Bertha Marion Branch on September 10, 1885 in New London, Connecticut. She had a younger sister, Aunt Clarice. Her father died when she was four years old. The following year, her mother remarried.
Bertha attended college at Willimantic Normal School (today called Eastern Connecticut State University) where she received a teaching diploma in 1906. Her first posting was at a school in Niantic, Connecticut.
She married Ernest Dwight Clark on June 22, 1911 and spent her honeymoon camping in the mountains of West Virginia. Camping as a honeymoon isn’t my idea of romantic, but to each their own.
Bertha & Ernest Clark, Summer 1911
The couple moved to Virginia where her husband worked for the U.S. Forestry Service. They had four children; Helen Melissa (Aunt Melissa – note the use of her middle name here) was born on November 10, 1912, Ernest Dwight Jr. was born on May 19, 1916, Hazel Elizabeth (my maternal grandmother, family called her Betsy when she was younger) was born on April 19, 1919, and Sarah Barbara (Aunt Barbara, see the trend?) was born on April 12, 1922.
The family moved back to Connecticut in the summer of 1926. In addition to being a mother of four children and managing a household farm, Bertha taught school in a one-room school house. My mother recalls hearing that she struggled to get a teaching position at the time because she was a married woman. The thinking was that married women shouldn’t work outside the home. Her husband had to “raise a stink” about her being able to get a job. It’s refreshing to me to hear that she had a supportive husband and that she was able to pursue teaching.
During WWII, her two eldest children served in Europe. Her only son died in the war. She saved their letters home, which seems like a lost art in some respects these days. I have over fifty letters that Aunt Melissa wrote to her mother over the course of the war.
Great-Grandma Clark died when I was 8 years old. I recall her as a quiet woman, gentle and quick to smile. At some point, I inherited the doll’s tea set you see pictured here. It has been carefully wrapped and carted around with me through several moves. It’s not worth much nor is it in particularly good shape. Several pieces don’t match, paint has worn off in places, and there are small chips and nicks – but it is one of my most beloved possessions.
framed photograph of myself and Great-Grandma Clark from Summer 1977
Below is a recipe that’s been passed down from her daughter Hazel, to my mother, and then to me. These were handwritten and I transcribed it to my own recipe collection some years ago. I recall that I included added notes in parentheses, but am uncertain if the added notes are my mother’s or my grandmother’s – perhaps both? This is the sort of recipe that assumes the baker knows how to make a pie crust and gives helpful instructions similar to the adage to “cook until done”.
Grandma Clark’s Pumpkin Pie Recipe
3/4 c. brown sugar
1 tbl. flour
1/2 tsp. salt
2/4 tsp. cinnamon
1/4 tsp. nutmeg (or more)
1/4 tsp. ginger
1 1/2 c. cooked pumpkin (or squash)
1 1/2 c. milk
1 well beaten egg
Mix dry ingredients, add to other. Bake in hot oven (450 F) for 10 minutes. Reduce to slow (325 F) and bake until firm. Usually takes a long time. We use not quite so much sugar – either brown or white and about 1/4 c. molasses for goodoldflavor.
I made this last fall and it was smooth, creamy, and full of nostalgia, bringing to mind family who are gone but not forgotten.
I’ve not kept up with this blog as I had expected to, but have by no means abandoned it. A combination of new responsibilities at work and the general mental fatigue everyone seems to be facing have limited the amount of time I’ve spent here.
What I have spent time on is gathering genealogical material from others in my family and organizing it into my own ancestry account. This seemed the most logical place to keep track while building my family tree, at least for the time being. While doing so, I found myself going down rabbit holes I hadn’t intended to find.
In most cases, building my family tree on the site was relatively easy. Members of my family have been interested in genealogy over the past three or four generations, so we have a lot of material already researched. My mother, by connecting with other archivists several years ago, was able to trace one line back to the 1400’s.
I’ll let that sink in for a moment. And by sink in, I mean I want you to stop and consider the amount of white privilege it entails to be able to easily trace ancestors back that far.
Speaking of being white, have you ever done those DNA tests? Ancestry and 23andMe are two common ones. According to the DNA ethnicity results, my genetic background does not contain any Native American markers. Yup, I’m white.
I bring this up in conjunction with my next question. Do you know that story that goes around some white families – the one about there probably being some ‘Native’ relative? It’s usually a woman and she was probably important, unique, or special in some manner. My family had this story, only it was vague (unlike other ancestors stories, which were specific) and came with the caveat that we were never able to prove it. Which is weird, right? In hindsight. To put it right there in the tale that it you couldn’t prove it?
The story even went so far to imply the reason it couldn’t be proven is she had “Christianized” her name to obscure her heritage because of the bigotry prevalent at the time. Of what time? I have no idea. Centuries ago, apparently.
Anyway, I admit that as a child I liked the idea of being related to this woman and felt it made me ‘special’ in some way, too. Now see how truly harmful these sorts of narratives are, how they are laced with a combination of both white guilt and white supremacy. I’m thankful these things only remained stories – and that no one in my family claimed this identity (as far as I’m aware) in any official sort of way.
What else do my family tales have wrong?
Another thought that crossed my mind as I was digging into some of this material was a conversation I’d had with my grandmother when I was in college during the early 1990’s. My roommate at the time was from an upper-middle class family in Connecticut. Their home was a large, old farmhouse. It had been remodeled and gentrified before that was all the rage.
When I visited, she showed me where there was a secret staircase that led to a small room in the attic. The claim was that it had been used as a stop on the Underground Railroad, helping hide runaways while on their way further north to Canada. I told my grandmother this story and asked her if any of the abolitionist members of our family had any similar tales. Her reply was vague and dealt more with the political support and church’s stance of the time. She also made an off-hand comment about being careful who I spoke with in the family because not everyone would want to talk about it.
Over the years I’d dismissed this conversation as unimportant, not understanding the possible significance. It wasn’t uncommon for my grandmother to be vague or unwilling to discuss certain subjects. In fact, I’d nearly forgotten the conversation entirely until recently. Recently I’d been thinking of what she said as it related to the social media habits of a branch off that side of the family tree.
According to an NPR article, the U.S. removed nearly 100 Confederate monuments in 2020. A relative took to social media decrying the trend – claiming that “our heritage is being destroyed”. Why they wanted to maintain statues of those who fought and lost the Civil War, I can only hazard a guess (…it’s racism…). I no longer have any idea what this person is saying on social media, but can imagine that their opinions regarding the any educational idea that included racial equality would be along the same vein.
This made me curious about what else could be lurking underneath that particular branch of the family tree. If the mere thought of providing education on the true history of our country makes someone uncomfortable – what other truths might there be? Is it generic white fragility gone wild or could there be some unsightly blemishes on our family name? Why was my grandmother so vague?
A few months after having this thought and I have yet to find a slave owner in my family tree. That’s not to say one won’t turn up. My family has been here since the Mayflower arrived. As some of the original colonizers, the very act of our being here so long has contributed to the society we have today – including its structure of racism and white supremacy.
Our histories, both in the textbooks and at the dinner table, have been written in a way that absolves us as white people from any wrong-doing. It forgives harmful actions in the name of some sort of ideology, turns the victim to the aggressor, or glosses over the facts entirely. Acting like the truth is too harmful for children to learn is simply a projection of one’s own fear and discomfort.
When I look at my family tree I see names of people I’ve loved and of people I’ve heard about my entire life who died before I was born. Any historical truth I might uncover wouldn’t change that. History sheds light on the stories we’ve been told, places them in time and offers context. As a society we can’t understand where we are unless we understand how we got here. And if we don’t, how can we ever move forward?
Anyway, that’s what got me a little off track recently. I’m still working on this project, I’m just finding interesting and distracting detours along the way.
Links related to detours taken (in case you find them interesting):
Last year I went on a few book buying binges. In one of my hauls, I purchased a book of poetry called ‘New American Best Friend’ by Octavia Gatwood.
I like poetry, but don’t read it often. Every time I do, I think I should read more because I enjoy it. Poetry feels much like music – the “story” tends to be in snippets of emotional impact, often without the form or structure of a chronological story. It’s not comprised of facts. It’s not deprived of facts. You have to sit with poetry a bit, digest it slowly before it can be realized.
The majority of the poems in ‘New American Best Friend’ revolve around a coming-of-age theme. Such stories are popular in a lot of fiction no matter the audience age. They are the demonstration of how a person came to be who they are and ultimately help us understand ourselves, which is the key to any good story. Even if the tale being told resembles nothing like our own life, becoming a person is something we can all relate to. I’ve always found that if a coming of age story has good bones, it will likely resonate.
I recently read some reviews (aka. Goodreads comments) that criticized Gatwood’s work, calling it ‘period poetry’ and that no one thought it made her special. I have to wonder what makes other women so angry about a poem to feel the need to leave a review like that.
While unsurprising, it saddens me to think we still have a such a stigma about female bodies and that the thought of those bodies growing from childhood to adulthood is somehow shameful or gross. The misogyny colliding with the objectification of women is so routine and so ingrained, that it hardly makes a ripple.
If the idea of period poetry is abhorrent to you – have you considered why? I’m not talking about a casual dismissal where it’s simply not interesting. I’m not particularly interested myself, but it doesn’t disturb me to read about it. It doesn’t offend me. And questioning why it’s embarrassing – well, that isn’t new either.
So yes, the first poem in this collection might’ve turned off some readers. I cannot imagine that wasn’t intentional. I applaud the poet for putting it right out there in front. It’s like saying ‘if you can’t handle this, you can’t really handle me’. Forewarned is forearmed and you can’t say she didn’t warn you.
One of the poems is ‘Ode to My Bitch Face’, which I had first encountered while browsing poetry slams on YouTube – a pandemic hobby of mine which is the thread that brought me to this book. This poem reignited in me all the anger I’ve ever felt when someone says “why don’t you smile” while simultaneously letting me know I’m not alone in feeling so judged and on display- under surveillance. There’s a sisterhood out there and we can commiserate.
Parts of ‘Ode to My Bitch Face’ remind me of that famous quote attributed to Margaret Atwood that ‘men are afraid women will laugh at them, women are afraid men will kill them’. Whenever I mention that quote, I know some feel I’m being overly dramatic – but it’s a hard truth and this is the society we really do live in. Women do spend an incredible amount of energy to maintain a feeling of safety in every day life.
While I’m not sure I can wrap up on a happy note, nor can I say I particularly enjoyed all the poems, they did leave an impact.
They made me consider and reflect.
They made me angry, they made me laugh, they made me feel a little sad and a little less alone.
I love hearing about those small holiday traditions that families carry. Ones that aren’t necessarily common or unique, but ones that are held because it’s “family tradition”. For my family, they come about because it was how so-and-so did something and how we collectively remember that person. It’s how we hold them close to us, even if they’ve been gone for some time.
My childhood holidays always include my father’s cookies. He has some staples he makes each year and some new ones he’ll try. One that remains constant, and is “tradition”, is Scotch Shortbread. His mother made it for the holidays and he’d adopted the practice long before we lost her in 2011.
His mother was named Ella, but went by the nickname ‘Sally’. She was born in 1912 in Fraser, Colorado. Her mother died three days later. The extended family took to raising her, from her grandmother to her uncles. From everything I’ve ever heard, there were a lot of lean years. “We didn’t notice The Depression,” I once heard her remark. Implying they’d been scraping by before that, and knew what being hungry meant.
Grandma Sally, 1940
She married my grandfather in 1942 and they had three children. He was a rancher, she became a rancher’s wife. Or, perhaps more accurately, she also became a rancher – I know she worked just as hard. After retirement, the pair of them got a big truck and large camping trailer. They toured around the country. After my grandfather died, she traded it in for a smaller RV that was more manageable for one person. She eventually gave up the nomadic life and moved in with my uncle. She lived to be 98.
the last time I saw my grandmother, August 2009
I’m thinking about her in particular today as I make her Scotch Shortbread. The smell coming from the oven is sweet and buttery, warming my home with holiday vibes. I’m also thinking of my dad, who is traveling across country right now to visit. I am thankful to be able to share some Scotch Shortbread with him when he and my stepdad arrive.
Below is the magical recipe, original and in my grandmother’s handwriting. I can think of few things that contain so much love with so few ingredients.
Scotch Shortbread
9" pan
2 c flour
3/4 c powdered sugar
3/4 c cornstarch
1 c butter
Work together and pat out in pan about 3/4" thick.
300° until brown
(my father's handwriting adding "about 1 hr.")
Is it my grandmother’s shortbread recipe? Yes.
Is it my father’s shortbread recipe? Yes.
Is it my shortbread recipe? Yes.
Happy Holidays, may it be filled with your own version of Scotch Shortbread.
lines across my face 